Mother of Dopamine

In yesterday's Science section of the NYT, there was an article about Dopamine.

"A Molecule of Motivation, Dopamine Excels at Its Task," by Natalie Angier.

An excerpt:
Should the brain want to ignore what it might otherwise notice, dopamine must be muzzled. Reporting recently in Nature Neuroscience, Regina M. Sullivan of New York University Medical Center, Gordon A. Barr of Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and their colleagues found that, whereas rats older than 12 days would quickly develop an aversion to any odors that were paired with a mild electric shock, young rats would perversely show a preference for such odors if their mothers were nearby when the tutorial jolt was delivered. The researchers traced that infantile Candide spirit to a suppression of dopamine activity in the amygdala, where fear memories are born. Infant rats know their mother by smell, Dr. Sullivan explained, and they must not learn to avoid her, for even an abusive caretaker is better than none.

On monday, in a "conversation" with my mom, I expressed that I felt hurt. I have never done this. The stuffing mechanism was ready as the emotion welled up, and I chose to express it. I also allowed my anger to be seen and heard. And I allowed it to get messy. And then I was able to "switch" into a stream of ease. This is miraculous. And the next day, I noticed that I was still alive. I had not died. And I felt less bound.

Unburdened

I woke up yesterday and the world was totally different.

Several details helped me notice the shift.

Upon awaking, the anxiety stream seemed more like a trickle.

My estranged step grandmother sent me a birthday card with a check. For about 6 years now, in protest, I have not cashed the checks. I refused to receive anything from her. When I read the card, my heart opened and I was grateful for her affection. I will cash the check and I will write her a thank you card.

My father forwarded me power point presentation that had forwarded to him from a friend. The friend is one of his conservative wealthy buddies and so I was warry of the content. Upon opening, I found a slide show of pretty pictures expressing the importance of following one's heart and loving your family. My dad has never expressed these sentiments. And instead of mocking him for doing so with a cheesy forwarded power point presentation, I allowed it to express that he loves me and this is how he can say so. I weep when I feel this.

I was with a friend yesterday and instead of her making us food, I suggested we go to the Thai Restaurant for the lunch special. I was delighted to be eating lunch with my friend. I felt happy with the food and her company. There was nothing that needed to be different for me to enjoy myself.

I had a dream a few nights ago in which I was looking for the "Have a Heart Foundation." I was looking for a carved wooden sign with a teddy bear on it. But the doors to the foundation ended up being metal, industrial and covered in spray paint.

As I am allowed to see more clearly, more looks like Love. More feels like Love. I do not have to convince myself that "It's all good." It really seems to be so.

The Dance Partners of Depression and Anxiety

After listening to Doug Keller's, "Rasa Sadhana," I have been holding this question:

Do thoughts come from feelings or do feelings come from thoughts?

In sitting last night in "Just Sit There" I felt my depression.

As I was lying in bed on my way to sleep, I could sense the thoughts that are programmed to get born out of this ground. The self critical, taunting thoughts like, "What is wrong with you?", "You totally fucking up," "You have not given enough attention to the Crib," "You have not replied to that woman's email," "How are you going to come up with the money for this and that and this and that..." etc.

These thoughts produce anxiety. Anxiety seems to be a stress response to depression. It seems that I have relied on anxiety to keep me from exploring my own depths.

So the play last night for me was to allow for the feeling of depression without jumping into the stream of anxiety as an "exit route". The tamastic emotion of depression seemed to spark the thoughts to create a different vata/rajastic emotion of anxiety. Anxious thoughts are not new to me. In fact, I have believed them and allowed them to be fuel for a long time. But it was the first time I saw the emotion of depression as the source. An this feels wonderful and new.

I woke up to this question in my inbox from Krishnamurti:
Can one function without ambition?

I did not understand his "answer." But, as I have suggested in the past, ambition seems to come from an empty hungry place. Anxiety is the fuel. To not accept the fuel as nourishment naturally seems to dissolve the ambition and reveal the dark rich soil of one's depths. Dark rich soil is fuel.

Spider Silk

Very cool article in Wired Science about Spider Silk, by Hadley Legget.

1 Million Spiders Make Golden Silk for Rare Cloth.

The Red Book

“To the superficial observer,” he wrote, “it will appear like madness," - Carl Jung

Carl Jung's Red Book is being published this month.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/magazine/20jung-t.html?pagewanted=1

Women's Growing Unhappiness?

Marcus Buckingham, author of the almost out, Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently, posted a blog on the Huffington post the other day called, "What's Happening to Women's Happiness?" Arianna lets us know there are more article to come.

He shares that statistical data shows that women are becoming more unhappy, particularly as we get older. What no one can seem to understand is we are becoming unhappier in the years in which we have the most opportunities within education and work.

What no one has pointed out yet, is that the patriarchal world in which we have had more opportunities asks that we move farther and farther away from the qualities that allow us to feel like women. What an opportunity!

Jean Baker Miller, author of Towards a New Psychology of Women, points out that the skills women have of connection, relationship, and empowering others are devalued in the current context of society. The below text from this site.


Through her involvement with women's committees and her private practice, Miller began to develop several theories regarding women's psychology (Miller & Welch, 1995). She began to notice culture's affect on women. (Miller & Welch, 1995). The value that society places on being a man, has caused women to strive to be more like men (Miller & Welch, 1995). She feels that women are the ones who know how to make relationships work, hold their families together, and help them to survive and thrive (Miller & Welch, 1995). These are all great strengths to have; the problem is what society tells women (Miller & Welch, 1995). It tells them that these things are not strengths only what is expected of women; thus women do not recognize these things as strengths (Miller & Welch, 1995). Miller began to realize that women felt the men's developmental models are not quite right for them (Miller & Welch, 1995). Miller would soon try to remedy the lack of respect of women's psychological issues. (Source)

This shift it up to us. We must connect to our strength and power. As women, we are wired to to assit others to find happiness. And to value our own true happiness seems to be a positive and necessary first step.


Pieces of Miller and Welch article can be found here.
Learning from Women
Jean Baker Miller; Amy Welch
Women & Therapy, 1541-0315, Volume 17, Issue 3, 1995, Pages 335 – 346

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/the-sad-shocking-truth-ab_b_290021.html

The Panther

In a dream a few nights ago, one of the scenes was this:

i watch amanda walking away
i see her painful scoliosis i see her spine like a crooked lump
but then it transforms into a snake and seems to be carved into her back
the the rest of her back seems to be quilted into snakes
the back of her looked like a wooden carving
her skin darkens and she seems to become very stealthy high heals and longer hair
her crooked spine becomes her identity
as she climbs up the stairs towards her lover
the wooden snake grows legs, and falls from her back to become a panther
the panther climbs up the stairs with her

This dream scene is incredibly rich for me.

This is what I learned about the Black Panther.

Black Panther's Wisdom Includes:

• Astral travel
• Guardian energy
• Symbol of the feminine
• Understanding of death
• Reclaiming ones power
• Ability to know the dark
• Death and rebirth

The Panther

The name panther is often associated with a particular species of leopard or jaguar and sometimes the cougar. The black panther is smaller but more fierce than lions and tigers. They are agile climbers and excellent swimmers. Because they can sprint with great speed they hold the teachings of quick decisive action.

Panthers have over 500 voluntary muscles that can be used at will when the need arises. This symbolizes an ability to shape shift realities using all parts of the body to perform a task. They can move gracefully in and out of situations as well as freeze and not be noticed. Because the panther is not a good long distant runner those with this medicine should incorporate movement therapies into their life that enhance endurance. They need to learn how to pace themselves and not push to fast or hard on any one task.

The power of the panther is the power of silence. It is extremely quiet when hunting or stalking. It knows when to make its presence known and when to become invisible. The panther holds the secrets of unseen worlds and is associated with lunar energies. Within the darkness of night lies the truth of creation. Those with this totem hold knowledge of a galactic origin. They have a responsibility to care take this knowledge and caution must be applied when sharing it with others. When the student is ready the teacher appears. If the student isn't ready the information received could be detrimental.

Panthers have acute sensitivity. The hairs on its body especially on the face pick up subtle vibrations. This is symbolic for those with this totem. It indicates a need to pay attention to their feelings and honor the messages those feelings convey. Touch can be an important avenue to explore to awaken ones hidden gifts. The black panthers coat, sleek, smooth and sensual has been linked to sexuality. When panther appears in a persons life it might be asking you to resolve old sexual issues or to embrace your sexuality fully.

The black panther has great mysticism associated with it. It represents the life and power of the night. It can show us how to embrace the darkness and awaken the light within it. When you experience the presence of panther one of its most noticeable features is its unblinking stare. It appears to see right through the body. Those with this medicine use their eyes as a healing tool and have the potential to heal on a cellular level.

Author Ted Andrews states that in Egyptian rituals a panther tail was worn around the neck or waist to help protect and strengthen the individual. It has been a symbol of the "Argos of a Thousand Eyes," who guarded the heifer IO who was loved by Zeus. After his death, the eyes were transferred to the feathers of the peacock. A powerful totem to have the panther always brings a guardian energy to those to whom it comes.

THE PANTHER AS A TOTEM

The panther is a very powerful and ancient totem. It is generally associated with a particular species of leopard or jaguar although the cougar is also referred to as panther. As with most of the large cats, the panther is a symbol of ferocity and valor. It embodies aggressiveness and power, but without the solar significance. In the case of the Black Panther, there is definitely a lunar significance. The panther has over 500 voluntary muscles that they can use at will. This reflects a lot about an individual who has such animals as totems. It reflects an ability to do a variety of tasks as he or she wills. It is simply a matter of deciding and putting to use those particular "muscles" - be they physical, mental, psychic, or spiritual. As a whole panthers are loners (solitary) although they do associate with others, they are most comfortable by themselves or within their own marked territory. They are drawn to those individuals who are likewise often solitary.

Of all the panthers, probably the Black Panther has the greatest mysticism associated with it. It is the symbol of the feminine, the dark mother, the dark of the moon. It is the symbol for the life and power of the night. It is a symbol of the feminine energies manifest upon the earth. It is often a symbol of darkness, death, and rebirth from out of it. There still exists in humanity a primitive fear of the dark and of death. The Black Panther helps us to understand the dark and death and the inherent powers of them; and thus by acknowledging them, eliminate our fears and learn to use the powers.

In China there were five mythic cats, sometimes painted like tigers or leopards. The black reigns in the north with winter as its season of power, and water it's most effective element. This is the element of the feminine. This is the totem of greater assertion of feminine in all her aspects: child, virgin, seductress, mother, warrioress, seeress, old wise woman.

When the Black Panther enters your life as a totem, it awakens the inner passions. This can manifest in unbridled expressions of baser powers and instincts. It can also reflect an awakening of the kundalini, signaling a time of not just coming into one's own power. More so, the keynote of the Black Panther is Reclaiming One's True Power. In mythology and scripture, the panther has been a symbol of the "Argos of a Thousand Eyes," who guarded the heifer IO who was loved by Zeus. After his death, the eyes were transferred to the feathers of the peacock. The panther always brings a guardian energy to those to whom it comes.

The panther has also been attributed to Jesus. In the Abodazara (early Jewish commentaries on the scriptures), it is listed as a surname for the family of Joseph. It tells how a man was healed "in the name of Jesus ben Panther." Because of this the panther often signals a time of rebirth after a period of suffering and death on some level. This implies that an old issue may finally begin to be resolved, or even that old longstanding wounds will finally begin to heal, and with the healing will come a reclaiming of power that was lost at the time of wounding.

In the myths and stories of Dionysus the panther is a symbol of unleashing desires, and thus the awakening of the kundalini forces. The panther symbolizes a time of moving from mere poles of existence to a new life without poles or barriers. The panther in a Dionysic manner awakens the unconscious urges and abilities that have been closed down. It signals a time of imminent awakening.

To the Indians of North and South America, the jaguar especially in the form of the Black Panther - was endowed with great magic and power. The jaguar panther climbs, runs, and swims - even better than the tiger. Because it could function so well in so many areas, it became the symbol of mastery over all dimensions. To the Tucano Indians of the Amazon, the roar of the jaguar was the roar of thunder. Thus the Black Panther was the god of darkness and could cause eclipses by swallowing the sun. This reflects the tremendous power inherent within the feminine forces. To those with the panther as a totem, this power will increasingly be experienced. The Arawak Indians say that everything has jaguar. Nothing exists without it. It is the tie to all life and all manifestations of life (thus ties to the eternal feminine within all life). To them, becoming the man-jaguar was the ultimate shapeshifting ritual. The Olmecs created monuments to the jaguar, and the Aztecs and Mayans spoke and taught about the power in becoming half-human and half-jaguar. One who can become a jaguar is shorn of all cultural restrictions. The alter ego is free to act out desires, fears, aspirations. The Indian shamans would perform rituals to borrow jaguar power. One who could do such could do great good or great ill.

Nietzsche once said that "that which does not kill us makes us stronger." It is this same idea that is awakened in the lives of those who open to the power of the panther totem. Those things of childhood and beyond that created suffering and which caused a loss of innate power and creativity are about to be reawakened, confronted and transmuted. The panther marks a new turn in the heroic path of those to whom it comes. It truly reflects more than just coming into one's own power. Rather it reflects a reclaiming of that which was lost and an intimate connection with the great archetypal force behind it. It gives an ability to go beyond what has been imagined, with opportunity to do so with discipline and control. It is the spirit of imminent rebirth."